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Sunday, December 30, 2018

New Year's Resolutions 2019


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Happy New Year! 2018 is finally over and thank the Lord 2019 is here. I hope everyone has a lovely time and stays safe (because there are some crazyyyyy people out there... we all know it).

As we move into 2019, I think I'm going to do resolutions. I... have not done these for years. Generally speaking, I think they are stupid, anxiety-inducing, and ultimately lead to disappointment. But I'm going to try them this year, and I think I'm going to try relatively small and obscure. Little things, like take time to relax and enjoy yourself once or twice a week. Simple things that are normally brushed aside in everyday life, at least for Americans in my experiences and observations. I'm also going to try to not give myself too many resolutions. I don't want to have a million things or even more than a couple big things to worry about and hold myself to. Straight up- I'm not there yet. And I think that's fine.

Image result for journalingI feel like I'm rambling without really explaining. Let me rewind a bit.

When it comes to anything academically or professionally related, I'm on top of it. 110% and I'm not just saying that or trying to inflate an ego. I've had so many people come up to tell me in some variation how impressed they by my work ethic and organization and energy. Which all looks great, but I'm also not saying this as a good thing. It's not inherently bad either, but there's a flip side to it that I'm realizing more and more is not something that I want in my life. When someone works as much and as hard as I do, there is no time for personal reflection, fun, creativity, whatever you want to call it. My life is my work. And for some people that is fine. I don't think it's for me though.

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Breaks like the one I'm on now help me realize that I want more than the life that I have led so far- and that's okay. And looking toward next semester, I'm going to have a lot more free time than I have ever been used to. For awhile, I was seriously considering trying to find a part-time job or internship to fill in the hours and bulk up my resume even more. And what I've come to as a conclusion though is that I need that time. I'm not completely sure what I want to do with my life yet or where I am supposed to go with it (yes, I am religious) but a terrifying place to start is to slow down and take the time that I will have offered to me next semester.

Why is it terrifying? Because I'll have time to myself! What if I get bored? What if I decided to change career paths? What if I become super annoying? What if something extraordinary happens? And that last one is a weird one, I know, but nonetheless there's a certain comfort in repetition and I think there's a good chance I'm going to be breaking up that repetition. "Extraordinary" may be a strong word choice, but there ya have it.

Image result for zentanglingSo my resolutions are going to be small, but they are going to be mine. And I'm going to shamelessly retake that time back for myself. Here are the few and abstract things that I want to resolve to do in 2019:

1) Be more creative!
>>> For me, this can really run the gambit of blogging to writing (which I sort of have talked briefly about here) to drawing to playing music to so many other options. I've always loved creative outlets though and I've always felt good after being creative as well, so added bonus.

2) Journal more
>>> In grand total in my life I am on my third journal. And while they are not necessarily small journals, I can't help but feel I should be on like a fourth or fifth because I started journaling years ago . I just really haven't set aside that time for myself very much over the past two years or so and I want to get back into it.

3) Pay attention to me
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>>> Very vague. Very open to interpretation. Very intentionally so done. There's a lot of different ways I can do this and I'm not going to list them here because you can probably list your own for yourself. This is almost more of a motto for the year I think though because I've reached the point where not only can't I move forward in my life without knowing and taking care of myself, but I deserve to know and take care of myself.

If you stuck around through all this semi-emo, sappy whatnot, then great! Thank you! If you skipped to the end just now, LOL go back and reread so that you have more context. If you didn't read this whole thing, I really don't care. This post was mostly for me. :)

Thank you so much for reading and I hope your 2019 goes off with a great start!

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