Reading the 2024 Goodreads Romantasy Choice Awards (and my own rankings of them)

Reading the 2024 Goodreads Romantasy Choice Awards 

(and my own rankings of them)

This may be absolutely bonkers of me considering how many reading goals I've set for myself going into the end of the year and into early next year (for reference, I started a second blog about traveling via books), but as of writing this, the Goodreads Choice Awards Nominees of 2024 have been released and it has been ages since I feel like I've done a deep-dive into what is out there in terms of romantasy. And I've been reading romantasy since before it was called that! (To the younger readers and newer readers of the genre -- yes, "romantasy" is a relatively newer term.) 

I also always just love a list of titles for awards because I find it can be easier to read than looking at blocks of book covers, so I wanted to make this list putting them all in one spot. 

Here's to me reading all the romantasy nominations "so you don't have to" (said with saccharine sarcasm). And then I'm going to do a subsequent post, which will likely be finished early next year, where I do my own rankings of these books. I'm going to update that list of rankings though as I go along so that it is as complete as possible. Cheers!

** In the below list of titles, I've noted when the nominee is not the first book in the series. If there is a note only about that, that means I'm up to speed on the series and will be reading the nominee. If I'm not up to speed, I'm only going to read the first book because if I don't like that one, I'm not going to continue with the rest of the series. **

The 2024 Goodreads Choice Award Nominees for the Category of Romantasy

1. Phantasma by Kaylie Smith
2. A Touch of Chaos by Scarlett St. Clair (Not book 1) 
   
3. A Promise of Peridot by Kate Golden (Not book 1 -- I'll be reading A Dawn of Onyx)
4. Zodiac Academy: Restless Stars by Caroline Peckham and Susanne Valenti (Not book 1 -- I'll be reading The Awakening) 
   
5. Fate of the Sun King by Nisha J. Tuli (Not book 1 -- I'll be reading Trial of the Sun Queen)
6. Apprentice to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Maehrer (Not book 1 -- I'll be reading Assistant to the Villain) 
7. Quicksilver by Callie Hart
8. Gold by Raven Kennedy (Not book 1 -- I'll be reading Gild)
9. The Spellshop by Sarah Beth Durst
10. The Games Gods Play by Abigail Owen
11. Faebound by Saara El-Arifi
12. 
    Blood of Hercules by Jasmine Mas
13. Born of Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout (Not book 1) 
14. Honey Witch by Sydney J. Shields 
15. House of Flame and Shadow by Sarah J. Maas (<-- This one's going to win. Calling it now. Not book 1)
16. A Dark and Drowning Tide by Allison Saft
17. The Veiled Kingdom by Holly Renee
18. A Crown this Cold and Heavy by Stacia Stark
19. When the Moon Hatched by Sarah A. Parker
20. A Fate Inked in Blood by Danielle L. Jensen

My Hesitations & Concerns:

Lots of other reading goals

I already referred to this in the beginning paragraph, but I started a second blog where I plan on reading books that can mentally take me to places I want to travel to, but can't afford to. I'm really looking forward to that blog as much as I love this blog! Starting up a new blog though, while also returning to writing in this one, is honestly very intimidating. I've kept up reading, so I'm not ~very~ worried about that... but it's the writing these blog posts that can take quite a bit of time and I don't want to skimp on these posts because then that's shit quality and I don't want to be that person. 

     Some of these titles I already know I don't love

Oof... I don't know if people are going to come at me because of this but... I already tried to read the Zodiac Academy once and I just struggled with the first half of it so bad that I put it down and didn't return. But there's a HUGE fan base for it so there must be something there. Maybe at the time I was reading I was just really distracted or simply not in a good place? If a book couldn't hold me through a time like that though, especially a romantasy book, I still hold some reservations about it. 1000% still willing to give it another shot though!

Scared some are just riding the coattails of successful trends, which annoys me

Over the years, this has REALLY become one of my biggest pet peeves -- books where you can tell they're really just trying to benefit off the success of other titles or the tropes in them. And then they're half-baked or over-marketed and heralded as "the next Sarah J. Maas" or "the next Jennifer L. Armentrout." I really, really get annoyed by this and I'm incredibly worried that with the reductive readership of online popularity that there will be titles in this list that I simply will get frustrated with because of a lack of true originality.

On the whole, I'm looking forward to this! I can't wait to see how this turns out! 

Thanks for reading!!

Xo

On Blogging: A Reintroduction

On Blogging

Reintroducing myself after a very long time away

Oh wow, this feels weird, is the first thought that I have about writing this post. I can't just dive back into posting reviews as if I've been doing it consistently for the past two years; I need to acknowledge this gap in my postings. But it feels so absolutely strange to be writing out a post at all, let alone a post like this which is not the primary ground for content on this blog. At least, content like this wasn't originally the ground for content on this blog. I think over the years, the more stressed or taken over by life events and busyness I became, the more I just posted filler content so that I could feel productive. Originally though, this was always meant to be a place for me to share my thoughts and appreciation for books in the form of reviews. I love the tags and the ships and the TV and movie reviews, but it was always supposed to be about the books and expressing thought-filled opinions on them as a reader. 

I have no regrets about those posts by any means. I loved writing them and sharing them, and I'll probably continue to do so every now and then. However, in the slight rearranging of my blog, and the minor updates I gave the blog aesthetically, I did get rid of a bunch of labels for my posts and changed the upper banner to include only genre labels. These genre labels will take you only to book reviews. The filler content and reviews for other mediums are still present, but I don't want them to share the center stage with the book reviews anymore. As I'm coming back into blogging, I really want to try to revert back to my original love of reading and sharing my love for reading online. Will there still be other content besides book reviews? Yes. But, what I'm sincerely hoping for is that I can build this blog to be a place where people can look toward for genuine book reviews from a fellow reader. 

Luckily, I am getting to a place where I will be able to read and review as voraciously as I once was. Because even though I may not have been posting book reviews, I have most certainly been reading still. I don't think I could picture myself without a book on hand or downloaded on my phone. But as I'm returning to blogging, there may be a handful of posts where I'm getting back into the swing of things and finding my voice again, so please bear with me! I have loved seeing that people have read my posts, and I LOVE when there are comments or engagements with them online. Fortunately, blogging for me has been a wonderful positive hobby, and I am really excited (and a bit nervous) to be coming back to this blog. 

XOXO,

Thanks for reading!

2021 Resolutions

 2021 Resolutions

Finally, we have said goodbye to 2020. Like literally the rest of the world, I am so happy to see the year change. However, I am also being very mindful of the fact that, at least for a little while, things may look the same in everyday life. And it's strange to me to try to set out goals for this year when it feels like I have literally been yanked to a stop in life. I'm lucky enough that my life hasn't actually been stopped -- I can still make progress in several areas of my life -- but the pacing has shifted everywhere and it feels like the weight of each aspect of my life has changed as well. It's strange. It's weird. And as I sit here, I can't in certainty say what this means for me. I'm not sure what I want my life to look like. I can't say how I want to have grown coming out of the pandemic. So I don't know how I'm supposed to look at the year in front of me and pin aspirations to its timeline. 

I think... hold on.  -xo-xo-xo-xo-xo-xo-

Okay. I think I will give myself one definable goal, and then a general overall theme for the year. 

Actually Read the Books in My Sense & Sensibility "Course"

Last year I was really hoping to read a whole bunch of British literature written by female authors. And then the semester started in January and that didn't really happen. Now though, I ~think~ I have a lighter course load and I really want to at least read those books. Maybe I'll read them in order, maybe I won't. I just want to have fun with them and pick through them for pure enjoyment throughout the year. As I go along, maybe I'll review them or something and add a tag to group them all together. 

Chase My Younger Self /Attitude

This one is like a major "huh????" for the general person. What do I mean by this? I think I just mean to take everything a little less seriously and to be less stressed about the direction of my life. I have no way to phrase it other than "my younger self." I don't know exactly.... I think back to when I was 10, 12, 15, whatever it was and yes, I was stressed, but I was also just living. Each day was a huge f***ing deal and every moment was fully embraced. Now, I think I'm so caught up in the "plans" for things that I am literally unable to be fully immersed in the actual goings on of my present life. Gonna try to change that back. :)

Last year I gave myself some more concrete goals, and that was fine enough. At least for a little while before the pandemic wrecked havoc on the world. But looking at what I've "given myself" for the upcoming year, I feel really good about it because it gives me the room to breathe and room for the world around me to shake up a bit as I fumble along. And hopefully, these are closer to long-lasting changes than just resolutions and I'll hold onto them past this year.

Thanks for reading and thank God for 2021!!!!

Best Books of 2020

Best Books of 2020

While I did not reach my Goodreads goal of reading 100 books, I did read 93, which is one more than last year, so I'm considering that a win still! And of those 93 books, there were so many that I enjoyed reading, a couple that were meh, and a sprinkle of books for school. Below though are FIVE of my favorite books that I read this past year. :)

Fable by Adrienne Young

From Blood and Ash / A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Crescent City by Sarah J. Maas

Feminists Don't Wear Pink and Other Lies by Scarlett Curtis (and others)

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston 

Thanks for reading and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Hiatus End: Stress & Comfort Reading

Stress & Comfort Reading

What I've Been Reading While Finishing the Semester

 

I'M BACK TO BLOGGING I'M BACK TO BLOGGING I'M BACK TO BLOGGING I'M BACK TO BLOGGING!!!!! 

 

I know this effects probably like, a less than zero amount of people other than myself, but I am so excited to be writing a new post. This semester has been absolute craziness, and I am so glad that I officially took a break until now. Not just because I clearly needed to relieve myself of that pressure, but because it is making ~this moment~ so much sweeter. As a general semester update, I'm actually not done yet. I thought I would be, but I have one more final that I'm planning on taking tomorrow. However, I still feel like I can break my hiatus today and write up a post because I have been studying nonstop so I (a) have earned these hours of blogging, and (b) need to remind myself that I have other activities outside of school. 

 

To get back into things, I thought I would share how I stress-read and what that means for me. Because even though I was horrifically busy this semester, I still turned to books for escapism and stress relief. And I think this highlights a very specific lens through which we view the use of books, and it's a use of reading that we've all gone through. Stress reading our comfort books is a wonderful, wonderful thing because not only do I think it is literally therapeutic to distance ourselves from the sources of stress, but also because it reminds us of why we love reading. 

I'm going to be tying this stress reading post in with a Blog Prompt from Bookending Winter 2020, which I signed up for over a month ago knowing I wouldn't be able to start participating until today. Maude from @ Psyched About Books created this one and here is a link to her original post. Here's the prompt:

Comfort Reads by the Fire

Winter is the season for warmth and comfort, reading books by the chimney in your favorite armchair. What are your top 5 comfort books to read / reread during this season?

 

Random side note: I love the logo that comes with these prompts and BEWinter20.  

My small twist to this prompt is that I'll be talking about other things I've read so far this semester while stressed out. Here we go!

Here's what I've read since I went on hiatus... keep in mind, a lot of those series are complete rereads so I flew through them. 

The Lux Series by Jennifer L. Armentrout

The Covenant Series by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova

Crazy Stupid Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams

Happily Letter After by Vi Keeland and Penelope Ward

In Five Years by Rebecca Serle

The Iron Fey trilogy (first 3 + novellas) by Julie Kagawa

Midnight Breed 1-5 by Lara Adrian

 

For me, I have a couple of go-to authors when I'm stressed out, like Jennifer L. Armentrout. Her writing is so easy to fall into and the characters so sympathetic. There are times when I'll literally just reread specific scenes because I know the books so well at this point I don't need a refresher as to the context of the scene. Another go-to author would normally be Sarah J. Maas for me, but I know that if I were to start rereading ToG or ACOTAR that I would not crawl out of my bed for days while I was reading.

Other comfort books I'll read when I'm stressed are just general rereads, even if they're middle grade books from way back when. Sometimes I think its just nice to revisit something that reminds you of a different time in your life.

 

The top 5 of these books (or others) I would pick to recommend 

to others for warmth and comfort would be:

 

1. Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova

This was an unexpected delight. It's not perfect, but I still was able to just read through it and enjoy the process of reading it. I actually only gave it like, 3 stars on Goodreads, but that was mostly for technical stuff. In terms of enjoy-ability, it was a good book and I could totally see myself or anyone else curling up with this while it's snowing outside.

 

2. The Iron Fey trilogy by Julie Kagawa

It was so interesting to reread the original trilogy of this series. I first read these books back in I think my freshman year of high school. It was so long ago I don't even have the date marked on Goodreads because I didn't have Goodreads at that point. It might have even been middle school that I read these. I can't really remember. Anyway, to me this series was such a comfort read because it was such a loving throwback. Have my taste as a reader evolved since? Yes. And that meant that I wasn't obsessive with reading these books this time around, but because I have such a strong memory of adoring these books, I still love them. If you haven't read this series, I recommend it. Or, in the alternative, picking up a book you loved in middle school / early high school and rereading that.

3. Anything written by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Jennifer L. Armentrout may be one of the most addictive writers I have ever met. I don't think there is a single book of hers I've picked up and haven't given at least 4 stars. There's the Lux series, the Covenant series, the Wicked trilogy (currently being made into a movie), the Blood and Ash series... and so much more. Anything. Literally anything by Jennifer L. Armentrout will be a comfort read to curl up with.

 

4. The Black Dagger Brotherhood series by J.R. Ward

One of the genres in general that I turn to for comfort reads, especially when I'm stressed, is romance. As you may have seen from the list of books I read during the semester, if it wasn't a reread, it was a romance. Romances are captivating in a way that is quick, strong, and feel-good. This series by J.R. Ward is also addictive like JLA's stuff, but it is definitely an adult series. If you are old enough for mature content, I'd say give this series a whirl. It's like the adult version of Twilight, but mixed with the Avengers.

 

5. Relentless by Karen Lynch

This series is sort of the definition of fluff, but it's also urban fantasy. It's a bit of an easier read than JLA (who also writes some urban fantasy fluff), but the thing that I like about this series is the concept seems original to me. The themes are not, but they're the same themes that we all (at least me lol) love, like the protagonist is uber special for some reason, there's a soul/bond connection, there are classic sassy/broody/comedic characters interwoven. The original bit is that the characters have a sort of demon inside of them, and the way that symbiotic relationship works is what appears unique to me. 

Why am I not putting SJM or Holly Black or some of my other favourites on this list? Well.... here's the thing, and I kind of touched on this earlier... for me, while high fantasy and deep complex fictional stories are some of my absolute favourite books of all time, I also find that I will get so wrapped up in them that I cannot do anything else. And that isn't to say the books listed above aren't deep or complex -- some of them really are -- but there's a different levity that I get while reading those books for whatever reason than I do while reading, say Throne of Glass. 

So there you have it-- what I've been stress reading and what I recommend as comfort reads! I'm really looking forward to taking this final test so that I can fully participate in the Bookending Winter 2020 events. Hell, I'm looking forward to finishing the semester so I can fully blog again. That will be such a fun relief to be fully back into things!

 

Thanks for reading!

Notice: Blogging Hiatus through 12/15/20

Taking a Break:

Hiatus on Blogging through December 15

Hello,

Firstly, thank you to everyone who stops by my blog. I know that I have followers, but I'm also thanking all those people just pass by or look for specific posts or reviews. Never in a million years could I have imagined being able to share my thoughts about something I am so passionate about and have people share in those thoughts. So truly, thank you.

Secondly, I want to let you all know that I will not be updating my blog through the middle of December. I know I haven't posted here in a long time, so I probably should have done this sooner, and there have been long stretches in the past when I should have made an announcement like this, but I felt the need to let you all know that I'm not done with the blog, I'm just taking a break. Why? The short version is, I'm too stressed and I don't have time. So if that's all you need in the explanation, cool, love you (lowkey as a reader I'd probably be you), there it is. The rest of this is just going to be more in-depth reasoning. 

For one thing, I'm still in school and this semester is b r u t a l. I had another semester sort of like this about three years ago, but even that was different. Three years ago I was so stressed because I was taking the hardest classes for my major on top of working 3-4 jobs/positions. Insanity. This semester, I am working only one job, but I also have a clinic and research positions on top of a full credit load. And I have to factor in a commute time where I'm driving 20-25 minutes one way. Plus, yet again on top of that all, one of the classes is incredibly stressful for me in a way I have never had to deal with before. So there's just a whole bunch of new and usual things I'm learning to deal with in addition to studying and being a good student.

I'm also going to throw in the pandemic, because there are "little" things like needing to go grocery shopping for family that simply take up time. And by no means am I complaining about doing that -- they're my family, I love them and want them safe --  but it's just a fact of reality at this point and I need to acknowledge it. I have different responsibilities and concerns now that affect my behaviour and mental health.

And then there's my basic physical health. I really, really, want to start taking better physical care of myself, so I've been trying to at least go outside if not work out once a day. And I'm okay at doing that. There are still days when I literally go from a 6am wake up to a 9pm finish with only taking breaks to go to the bathroom. Yeah-- that crazy and I'm not exaggerating either. But with that, on the days I do have a "spare" hour or so, I want to make sure I am keeping myself in the best health condition that I can. 

To look at my schedule as a whole, I have worked nearly every day including weekends since the middle of September (I took a Friday off in early October). And I'm still, objectively speaking, behind on my work. It is absolute madness and I felt like I needed to release something just to give me more breathing room. Blogging is, unfortunately, the only real viable option at this point.

"But it's only blogging." I really don't think any of you would say that, but just in case, it's not "only blogging." On average, I spend between an hour and a half to just over two hours writing and editing a book review, and that's after I have read the book and seriously considered it's merits, my potential biases, and the key pieces I want to highlight. And I love doing this! It's why I started posting my reviews online! But the reality is that it takes me awhile to do this. I don't ever want to just post a random review to get it out of the way. Even when I get books for free from publishers, I don't ever just blow through a review because it's an expectation. I make sure I take the time to do it properly. 

Will I still be reading? Yes, for sure. Reading is part of my stress management because I can disengage from the world and give my body a break from the anxiety. That being said, I don't even want to know how behind I am on my reading challenge and I'll probably revert to reading only my absolute favorites for stress-reading. For example, I'm rereading the Lux series right now (Jennifer Armentrout) because it fits the bill perfectly. I've read it a bajillion times before and I'll likely read it a bajillion more times in the future. The only down side to this is that I had so many books I was really looking forward to reading that I now will be pushing back to make sure I can completely enjoy them. 

 

I love blogging and I love reading. Going on hiatus right now is just as much to protect my love for those things as it is to give myself more time and stress-relief. I hope you all understand and I am already looking forward to the middle of December when I'll be posting again. :) 

Best wishes,

All I Need Are Books and Tea

Thanks for reading!

Last of 2020 Anticipated Releases

 End of the Year Releases!

Somehow, it is already October, which means there are only a handful of months left for new books to come out this year. Here are the ones that I am really looking forward to!!! (There's a lot, and there's a ****ton in October.)

OCTOBER

In a Holidaze by Christina Lauren

The Code for Love and Heartbreak by Jillian Cantor

The Hollow Places by T. Kingfisher

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab

The Lives of Saints by Leigh Bardugo

A Golden Fury by Samantha Cohoe

All About Us by Tom Ellen

Come On In by Adi Alsaid (editor)

The Midnight Bargain by C.L. Polk

The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow

Among the Beasts and Briars by Ashley Poston

The Brightest Night by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Crazy Stupid Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams

Love Your Life by Sophie Kinsella

Magic Dark and Strange by Kelly Powell

Nemesis and the Swan by Lindsay K. Bandy

NOVEMBER

A Curse of Ash and Ember by Jo Spurrier

The Thirty Names of Night by Zeyn Joukhadar

I Would Leave Me if I Could by Halsey

One Life by Megan Rapinoe

Soulswift by Megan Bannen

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

How the King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories by Holly Black

DECEMBER

A Sky Beyond the Storm by Sabaa Tahir

How to Catch a Queen by Alyssa Cole

How to Fail at Flirting by Denise Williams

The Mermaid from Jeju by Sumi Hahn

The Chanel Sisters by Judithe Little

Thanks for reading!

(Also, apologies for the boring no-images post. I'm finding the new blogger update hard to use and I'll probably be switching platforms soon.)

Interview with Author Janella Angeles

The Spectacular Show that is...

Where Dreams Descend:

An Interview with Janella Angeles

Janella Angeles's debut novel Where Dreams Descend is the sizzling start to a magical duology where the magicians are both celebrated and feared. Kallia enters a competition to become the next headliner at the Conquering Circus, but magicians keep disappearing and a darkness is attacking performers behind the scenes. I'll have a review for the book out later today, but for now, I am so excited to share this interview with you all! I am so happy that I got to ask Janella some questions about this wonderful debut of hers and I hope you enjoy reading it!

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1. Which scene would you describe to someone to capture their attention and convince them to read the book?

Oooh I would definitely describe Kallia’s audition scene. It was such a fun, exciting scene for me to write, as it perfectly establishes the kind of defiant contestant Kallia is going to be in this very rigid show—and also because that’s the point where our characters converge. In many ways, it feels like the official start to the show, and the start of another story within the story.


2. Are there any themes or motifs that you are especially hopeful readers pick up on or connect to?

One thing I would especially love readers to connect with is Kallia’s relentless ambition and perseverance in pursuing dreams and making them happen, but also learning to enjoy what makes the journey worthwhile. Kallia’s story in many ways mirrors my own publishing journey, where at times I had so much tunnel-vision just to get published. It wasn’t until I really started opening myself up to the community and friends and the fun of publishing that I felt like I found success. Not because it was concrete success, but because I now suddenly had a lot more as a writer than I did before—which is exactly the journey Kallia herself goes on.

 
3. The whole book is explosive and constantly gripping, even from the very beginning (one of my favorite things about it). How were you able to achieve this and were there any inspirations to start the book so fast-paced?

Thank you so much!! Weirdly enough, this book is the first one I’ve written with such a quick beginning. Usually I slog through beginnings, trying to get to know my main character and the world they live in because I don’t really understand them that well, yet. However, I just remember drafting in Kallia’s POV and she was demanding we get her where she wanted to be. You’d think the author has full control of the story, but sometimes a character will take the lead and you just hope you’re quick enough to follow!

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Where Dreams Descend is currently out and available!! Keep an eye out later today for my full review of the book! I have to give a HUGE thank you to Wednesday Books and Janella Angeles for letting me be a part of this blog tour and giving me this opportunity to ask questions about the book! I am so excited that everyone can now go read this book and become enthralled in this magical fantasy. :)

Thanks for reading!

Excerpt from Lobizona by Romina Garber: Blog Tour

 

Excerpt from  

Lobizona by Romina Garber

Blog Tour

COMING AUGUST 4

I am so so so freakishly excited to be a part of this blog tour and share with you all today an excerpt from Romina Garber's Lobizona!!!! Using Argentinian folklore, Lobizona tells a fantastical story set in Miami where the main character finds herself uncovering truths about "myth" like lobizónes and brujas. This book comes out next week and I cannot wait for everyone to get the chance to read it! Without further ado. . .

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2

 

I awaken with a jolt.

It takes me a moment to register that I’ve been out for three days. I can tell by the well-rested feeling in my bones—I don’t sleep this well any other time of the month.

The first thing I’m aware of as I sit up  is an urgent need  to use the bathroom. My muscles are heavy from lack of use, and it takes some concentration to keep my steps light so I won’t wake Ma or Perla. I leave the lights off to avoid meeting my gaze in the mirror, and after tossing out my heavy-duty period pad and replacing it with a tampon, I tiptoe back to Ma’s and my room.

I’m always disoriented after lunaritis, so I feel separate from my waking life as I survey my teetering stacks of journals and used books, Ma’s yoga mat and collection of weights, and the posters on the wall of the planets and constellations I hope to visit one day.

After a moment, my shoulders slump in disappointment.This month has officially peaked.

I yank the bleach-stained blue sheets off the mattress and slide out the pillows from their cases, balling up the bedding to wash later. My body feels like a crumpled piece of paper that needs to be stretched, so I plant my feet together in the tiny area between the bed and the door, and I raise my hands and arch my back, lengthening my spine disc by disc. The pull on my tendons releases stored tension, and I exhale in relief.

Something tugs at my consciousness, an unresolved riddle that must have timed out when I surfaced . . . but the harder I focus, the quicker I forget. Swinging my head forward, I reach down to touch my toes and stretch my spine the other way—

My ears pop so hard, I gasp.

I stumble back to the mattress, and I cradle my head in my hands as a rush of noise invades my mind. The buzzing of a fly in the window blinds, the gunning of a car engine on the street below, the groaning of our building’s prehistoric elevator. Each sound is so crisp, it’s like a filter was just peeled back from my hearing.

My pulse picks up as I slide my hands away from my temples to trace the outlines of my ears. I think the top parts feel a little . . . pointier.

I ignore the tingling in my eardrums as I cut through the living room to the kitchen, and I fill a stained green bowl with cold water. Ma’s asleep on the turquoise couch because we don’t share our bed this time of the month. She says I thrash around too much in my drugged dreams.

I carefully shut the apartment door behind me as I step out into the building’s hallway, and I crack open our neighbor’s window to slide the bowl through. A black cat leaps over to lap up the drink.

“Hola, Mimitos,” I say, stroking his velvety head. Since we’re both confined to this building, I hear him meowing any time his owner, Fanny, forgets to feed him. I think she’s going senile.

“I’ll take you up with me later, after lunch. And I’ll bring you some turkey,” I add, shutting the window again quickly. I usually let him come with me, but I prefer to spend the mornings after lunaritis alone. Even if I’m no longer dreaming, I’m not awake either.

My heart is still beating unusually fast as I clamber up six flights of stairs. But I savor the burn of my sedentary muscles, and when at last I reach the highest point, I swing open the door to the rooftop.

It’s not quite morning yet, and the sky looks like blue- tinged steel. Surrounding me are balconies festooned with colorful clotheslines, broken-down properties with boarded- up windows, fuzzy-leaved palm trees reaching up from the pitted streets . . . and in the distance, the ground and sky blur where the Atlantic swallows the horizon.

El Retiro is a rundown apartment complex with all elderly residents—mostly Cuban, Colombian, Venezuelan, Nicaraguan, and Argentine immigrants. There’s just one slow, loud elevator in the building, and since I’m the youngest person here, I never use it in case someone else needs it.

I came up here hoping for a breath of fresh air, but since it’s summertime, there’s no caress of a breeze to greet me. Just the suffocating embrace of Miami’s humidity.

Smothering me.

I close my eyes and take in deep gulps of musty oxygen, trying to push the dread down to where it can’t touch me. The way Perla taught me to do whenever I get anxious.

My metamorphosis started this year. I first felt something was different four full moons ago, when I no longer needed to squint to study the ground from up here. I simply opened my eyes to perfect vision.

The following month, my hair thickened so much that I had to buy bigger clips to pin it back. Next menstrual cycle came the growth spurt that left my jeans three inches too short, and last lunaritis I awoke with such a heightened sense of smell that I could sniff out what Ma and Perla had for dinner all three nights I was out.

It’s bad enough to feel the outside world pressing in on me, but now even my insides are spinning out of my control.

As Perla’s breathing exercises relax my thoughts, I begin  to feel the stirrings of my dreamworld calling me back. I slide onto the rooftop’s ledge and lie back along the warm cement, my body as stagnant as the stale air. A dragon-shaped cloud comes apart like cotton, and I let my gaze drift with Miami’s hypnotic sky, trying to call up the dream’s details before they fade . . .

What Ma and Perla don’t know about the Septis is they don’t simply sedate me for sixty hours—they transport me.

Every lunaritis, I visit the same nameless land of magic and mist and monsters. There’s the golden grass that ticks off time by turning silver as the day ages; the black-leafed trees that can cry up storms, their dewdrop tears rolling down their bark to form rivers; the colorful waterfalls that warn onlookers of oncoming danger; the hope-sucking Sombras that dwell in darkness and attach like parasitic shadows . . .

And the Citadel.

It’s a place I instinctively know I’m not allowed to go, yet I’m always trying to get to. Whenever I think I’m going to make it inside, I wake up with a start.

Picturing the black stone wall, I see the thorny ivy that twines across its surface like a nest of guardian snakes, slithering and bunching up wherever it senses a threat.

The sharper the image, the sleepier I feel, like I’m slowly sliding back into my dream, until I reach my hand out tentatively. If I could just move faster than the ivy, I could finally grip the opal doorknob before the thorns—

Howling breaks my reverie.

I blink, and the dream disappears as I spring to sitting and scour the battered buildings. For a moment, I’m sure I heard a wolf.

My spine locks at the sight of a far more dangerous threat: A cop car is careening in the distance, its lights flashing and siren wailing. Even though the black-and-white is still too far away to see me, I leap down from the ledge and take cover behind it, the old mantra running through my mind.

Don’t come here, don’t come here, don’t come here.

A familiar claustrophobia claws at my skin, an affliction forged of rage and shame and powerlessness that’s been my companion as long as I’ve been in this country. Ma tells me I should let her worry about this stuff and only concern myself with studying, so when our papers come through, I can take my GED and one day make it to NASA—but it’s impossible not to worry when I’m constantly having to hide.

My muscles don’t uncoil until the siren’s howling fades and the police are gone, but the morning’s spell of stillness has broken. A door slams, and I instinctively turn toward the pink building across the street that’s tattooed with territorial graffiti. Where the alternate version of me lives.

I call her Other Manu.

The first thing I ever noticed about her was her Argentine fútbol jersey: #10 Lionel Messi. Then I saw her face and realized we look a lot alike. I was reading Borges at the time, and it occurred to me that she and I could be the same person in overlapping parallel universes.

But it’s an older man and not Other Manu who lopes down the street. She wouldn’t be up this early on a Sunday anyway. I arch my back again, and thankfully this time, the only pop I hear is in my joints.

The sun’s golden glare is strong enough that I almost wish I had my sunglasses. But this rooftop is sacred to me because it’s the only place where Ma doesn’t make me wear them, since no one else comes up here.

I’m reaching for the stairwell door when I hear it.

Faint footsteps are growing louder, like someone’s racing up. My heart shoots into my throat, and I leap around the corner right as the door swings open.

The person who steps out is too light on their feet to be someone who lives here. No El Retiro resident could make it up the stairs that fast. I flatten myself against the wall.

“Creo que encontré algo, pero por ahora no quiero decir nada.”

Whenever Ma is upset with me, I have a habit of translating her words into English without processing them. I asked Perla about it to see if it’s a common bilingual thing, and she said it’s probably my way of keeping Ma’s anger at a distance; if I can deconstruct her words into language—something detached that can be studied and dissected—I can strip them of their charge.

As my anxiety kicks in, my mind goes into automatic translation mode: I think I found something, but I don’t want to say anything yet.

The woman or girl (it’s hard to tell her age) has a deep, throaty voice that’s sultry and soulful, yet her singsongy accent is unquestionably Argentine. Or Uruguayan. They sound similar.

My cheek is pressed to the wall as I make myself as flat as possible, in case she crosses my line of vision.

“Si tengo razón, me harán la capitana más joven en la his- toria de los Cazadores.”

If I’m right, they’ll make me the youngest captain in the history of the . . . Cazadores? That means hunters.

In my eight years living here, I’ve never seen another person on this rooftop. Curious, I edge closer, but I don’t dare peek around the corner. I want to see this stranger’s face, but not badly enough to let her see mine.

“¿El encuentro es ahora? Che, Nacho, ¿vos no me podrías cubrir?”

Is the meeting right now? Couldn’t you cover for me, Nacho?

The che and vos sound like Argentinespeak. What if it’s Other Manu?

The exciting possibility brings me a half step closer, and now my nose is inches from rounding the corner. Maybe I can sneak a peek without her noticing.

“Okay,” I hear her say, and her voice sounds like she’s just a few paces away.

I suck in a quick inhale, and before I can overthink it, I pop my head out—

And see the door swinging shut.

I scramble over and tug it open, desperate to spot even a hint of her hair, any clue at all to confirm it was Other Manu— but she’s already gone.

All that remains is a wisp of red smoke that vanishes with the swiftness of a morning cloud.

 

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In case you haven't heard enough to sway you to pick up the book yet, here's some more praise that this book has gotten!

“With vivid characters that take on a life of their own, beautiful details that peel back the curtain on Romina's Argentinian heritage, and cutting prose that shines a light on the difficulties of being the ‘other’ in America today, Romina Garber crafts a timely tale of identity and adventure that every teenager should read.”–Tomi Adeyemi New York Times bestselling author of Children of Blood and Bone

“Romina Garber has created an enthralling young adult fantasy led by an unforgettable Latinx character Manu. In Manu we find a young girl who not only must contend with the injustice of being undocumented she also discovers a hidden world that may explain her very existence. I fell in love with this world where wolves, witches and magic thrives, all in a rich Latinx setting!” –Lilliam Rivera, author of Dealing in Dreams and The Education of Margot Sanchez

Huge thank you to Wednesday Books for letting me be a part of this and to Romina Garber for writing such a wonderful story!

Thanks for reading!